Every fertility patient that I talk to has given a lot of effort to his, or hers child project. They have spent time, money and focus and have given a lot of thought and emotion to their journey towards their wanted child. This patient group are gifted and strong and they are ready to do everything in their power to reach their goal!
Normally we reach our goals in our projects — if we give it all our effort.
We can give all our effort to our sports, studies and work and if we really do our best we know we will have a satisfying result.
The child project is different!
I have stopped asking my patients what they work as, or what kind of education they have had because in this project it does not matter. Every patient has the same need, the need to react to his, or her own child instinct. Every patient is trying to do their best to increase their chances to get pregnant. Education, or work ability does not affect the result.
A common sentence I hear is “I have done everything right and I am still not pregnant!”
As a counsellor I gain a lot of information in this sentence. It tells me that the woman still thinks that she is in control of the result after her attempt; she thinks that she is responsible for the result and she thinks that her effort is the only thing that matters when it comes to the end result. My experience tells me that this is not right and that after the transfer of the embryo our control stops, then it’s up to nature and nature does not know how much effort we have put in to this project.
It is logical for us to succeed when we give a project all of our effort.
What is happening to patients when they feel that the effort does not match the result?
- The patient gets frustrated
- The patient feels they lose control
- The patient thinks the situation is unfair
- The patient finds themselves in a situation that that they find illogical
What to do?
- Write a list of everything you have done in your child project. Be proud of yourself because this list and your history will finally make you reach your goal. Be aware that everything that is on your list are the actions that are under your control, but the result is not.
- Accept that you find yourself in a situation where your effort does not match the result. While waiting for the result focus on another project. A project that you can control, a project where the end result will depend on your effort.
I am sure that you would have been pregnant a long time ago if the pregnancy was dependent upon your effort and I hope you start to think differently.
Be proud of everything that you have done! I am sure your future child will be proud of your history and effort and everything you have done to become their mother!