A woman I talked to today told me that she had a great fear, this was the fear of not ever being able to get pregnant, of not being able to have children, of being the one that people would call the ‘childless lady’ and also the fear that all the money, effort, time and focus that she uses on her child project will be worthless and may never give her the baby that she is longing for. She didn’t know how to get rid of this fear of not being able to conceive?
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I wanted to help her!
As a counsellor I want to help my patients to change this feeling of fear, because it is a destructive feeling and it steals the patient’s energy. Is it possible to think differently about fear and to transform the way this fear affects us?
I think we can; to understand this fear we need to look at our motivation and the risk we feel we are taking when going into an uncertain project.
May be you feel that fertility treatment is like taking a risk, because the result is uncertain as it may all be up to nature! This uncertainty and feeling of losing control can develop into the feeling of fear of not being able to get pregnant.
So what can we do with this fear of not being able to conceive? How can I help you to think differently about this fear?
Here is some of my advice:
- The fear of not being able to conceive is a part of your motivation. If the “child project” were not important to you then you would not feel this fear. The fear of not being able to get pregnant shows you that it is really important for to you to become a parent.
- There is a lot of energy in fear, this energy can motivate you to act and to do something that will bring you closer to the child of your dreams and it will help you continue with fertility treatment!
- If you feel this fear of not being able to get pregnant this means that you are in contact with your own feelings and this is positive! If you stay in contact with your feelings during fertility treatment then you will also be able to feel the great love for your child when you finally hold it in your arms.
- Is it really a fear you feel, or do you feel excited, unsure or anxious? What you tell yourself will become the ‘truth’!
- Normalize your feelings; it is normal to get emotionally involved in a project that will give you the greatest gift of all - a child!
- Try to focus on other parts of your life; your job, your partner, your friends and hobbies, because your fear will not make you any more, or less pregnant!
I know that you can use the energy from your fear as a motivation to choose the best alternative and the best fertiliuty clinic. Let the doctors and nurses take over the responsibility to help you create your child and trust that you will one day reach your goal and that it is thanks to your fear that it will happen!
The fear is here to help you! The best of luck!
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Welcome to your end destination!
…I know you will want to reach your goal as soon as possible; you are so ready to become a parent! I know that you will want the fertility treatment to end and to become pregnant as quickly as possible, I know that it is important for you to see the end of this child project!