Sometimes our inner voice and our mind do not agree with each other, this happens with many of my patients.
I talked to a lovely patient yesterday, her inner voice told her that she was not finished with having children and that her family was not complete. Her mind and common sense told her that having two children was enough, she also knew that it would be emotionally hard for her, also a question of finance and that finally she would also need to persuade her man if she were to decide to have another child through embryo adoption; this treatment that had already given her two miracles in life.
As a couple they had tried for 9 years to get pregnant, they had had to give up trying to get pregnant with their own genetic material and therefore had chosen to use embryo adoption. The maternal instinct and their wish for a child was stronger than their ethical and genetic concerns. She got pregnant at her first attempt, she told me about how happy she felt and how it really was a miracle to finally become a mother. A year after her first child was born she wanted to start fertility treatment again as she wanted a sibling for her son.
She again got pregnant at her first embryo adoption attempt, her experience with embryo adoption had only been positive. After this second child created through embryo adoption she again started to feel this ‘longing’ and wish for a third child as she still did not feel ‘complete’ it was then that she started to think ‘what is wrong with me’?
Now she blames herself for not being satisfied, she thinks that she should and must feel different! She has nothing to complain about, she tries to convince herself that it is enough with two children and convince herself that her inner voice is wrong.
I know why her inner peace is disturbed, this is because her inner voice and her mind do not agree. They are not in balance and therefor which one should she follow? Her mind and common sense, or her inner voice?
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My experience as a counsellor:
- When you try to force yourself to think and feel in a special way you are fighting a battle with yourself.
- When you do not respect and accept your inner voice you do not feel that you are living in peace as your inner peace will be disturbed.
- Sometimes it can be hard to follow your inner voice and do what you feel it’s right, especially if it has negative consequences on the people around you.
- Fear can stop us following our inner voice.
- We are brought up to respect and to be nice to everyone around us, but the most important thing is to respect yourself so it takes a lot of courage to follow your inner voice.
- If you respect yourself then others will follow.
She was crying when I asked her about her inner voice, not because she was sad, but because she felt happy. Happy that she finally understood herself and that I understood her.
She felt that she had so much love to give another child and that all her life she had wished for a big family. She knows that it will be a risk and that she might not get pregnant after another embryo adoption treatment, but then at least she will know that she had tried, then she would know that she respected her own wishes and dreams.
Now my inner voice and mind agree that I will do one more embryo adoption attempt and that I will try to create my last miracle, my third child and I know I will feel inner peace after that. Thank you for your help!
I wish her the best of luck!
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A mother’s letter to her child growing in her tummy after egg donation treatment
When you consider egg donation you seek information. Information leads to confidence and confidence leads to inner peace. We all seek the feeling of inner peace and we all want to feel that we will make the right decisions. We fear the feeling of regret and the feeling of not doing the best for our future child. In the matter of egg donation we want to make decisions that are the best for our future child…