Talking about motivation in egg donation programme is always vulnerable. You can easily hear people saying: “Oh yeah, no need to tell these fairy-tales to me! Money is the only motivation they have!” Partly, these people are right as financial benefit is always something that we would love to get. You are supposed to be encouraged. But if employers pay to their staff more, nobody can guarantee that people work better. The same phenomenon appears in egg donation programme.
Lying on the gynecological chair in the operating room, with a catheter for general anesthesia in your vein, the last thing you think about is money. You need something to grab hold, some serious reason to be here.
And believe me, many donors have their special reason to donate their eggs. This reason can be very intimate, private, and sometimes, they do not share it even with their family, friends, or coordinators. Of course, compensation is beneficial. Every young mother knows what she can do with this sum: to buy a new mountain bike for her son, to go with her daughter to the Russian seaside, to pay for language courses or for the surgery of her grandmother at a private clinic. But the main motivation is always hidden deep inside.
What secret inner motivation a donor can have?
Own children born too early
No matter what happened, was it just unplanned pregnancy with her boyfriend or she and her young husband married at 20 and had a beautiful picture of ideal family in their mind, this child became a surprise, a shock and a challenge. How could that be? It screams all night long, and she has to be there, breastfeeding, crying together with this fragile creature, changing diapers and OMG, when her smiling friend is going to a party wearing gorgeous dress, she stays with this milky T-shirt on, feeling as a milk factory. Too early…. It was too early. She didn’t have enough time to live for herself, to enjoy her hobbies, travelling, meeting new people. What if even this baby’s father is just a “wrong guy”?
Those ladies who gave birth early, sincerely believe that planning family after 40, women will be amazing mothers! When you enjoyed your life, rose all possible heights, and now feel that you are ready to give birth to a new life.
This motivation says: “I did it in a wrong way and now I want to help others to do it in the right way”
Own children became real joy and love
Some women just do not think about the meaning of maternity before childbirth. Spontaneous pregnancy comes and a young mother realizes that this is a sheer miracle. After childbirth, when she sees her child on her breast, she starts feeling something completely new – maternal love. And this love covers her like a wave. She can not understand how she lived without her dearest treasure!
Reflecting about infertility in this case, awakes a huge empathy. When such young mother finds out about women struggling with infertility due to ovarian factor, she’s ready to support. Of course, she has to consider all pros and cons in advance and get educated in this field, but her motivation says: “It’s impossible to live without children, they are the only sense of life! Every woman should feel the same as I feel being a mother!”
After artificial termination of pregnancy
Grieving process of an extremely fertile woman can be resulted in donation programme. She feels that it was a wrong step, but she just could not keep this pregnancy. Husband said: «Two kids are more than enough” or was it just a boyfriend that she met 6 months after divorce, and both understand that they are not ready to create a family together. Artificial termination of healthy pregnancy is a very sad experience, some women feel guilty and they would love to redeem themselves.
Friends struggling with infertility
More often these days very young women and young couples face the fact of infertility. Sometimes, years pass trying without success and close friends share this pain and devastation. Seeing these women suffering even once is enough to get a huge desire of being involved and supporting them. Our potential egg donor sees her friend’s tears, disappointment after every embryo transfer but feel unable to help her personally because it is not always easy to accept an egg from someone that you know well. This personalized gift can become a burden. Egg donation programme at the clinic may become a decent alternative in that case.
Infertility due to male factor
In love, young and ready to create a new life, a couple starts their way to parenthood and fails conceiving naturally. After having all tests done, they see that sperm quality is not sufficient and IVF or ICSI is the only way to become parents. The loving woman supports her partner and together they reach their goal, a healthy child. Now she knows what IVF and ICSI means, they even discussed sperm donation as plan B. She met different people with different scenarios of IVF rounds on her way and she knows for sure that female infertility is even harder. Some women need donor eggs. She can definitely say that once she has a chance, she will donate her eggs to those people who need only this element to create their strong and loving complete family.
All in all, every woman has her own inner reason to go through the stimulation and egg retrieval, to wake up after anesthesia with a feeling of reborn person, an egg donor.
Valeria Sergeeva
