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Becoming parents through IVF and egg donation

Feelings about infertility, egg donation and embryo adoption. You not the first one, experiencing them. And you are not alone.

Failed embryo adoption: a motivating session

Failed embryo adoption: a motivating session

She called me, she told me that she felt her life was falling apart as she had just found out that her first embryo adoption attempt had failed. I talked to her on the phone, I have known her for a long time, she is 45 years old and desperately wants ...
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The 60 / 40 rule

The 60 / 40 rule

Now I will tell you about my 60 / 40 rule and I hope that it will help you! A lot of the patients I talk to find it hard to motivate themselves into egg donation treatment. It can be for many different reasons so here I will tell you ...
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How to defeat stress?

How to defeat stress?

I want to write a blog text about stress — because I know that stress is something fertility patients fear and think a lot about. They are scared that their stress affects the fertility treatment. I often hear: Do you think I stress too much? Is that why I am ...
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I want a second child through embryo adoption, should I tell my second child its offspring?

I want a second child through embryo adoption, should I tell my second child its offspring?

Second child through embryo adoption To tell or not to tell the child about the donation, is one of the most common topics I talk to patients about. I never tell a patient what to do. What I do, is to open their perspectives, give them a lot of information ...
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If you knew the exact day that you would get pregnant would you experience the fertility treatment differently?

If you knew the exact day that you would get pregnant would you experience the fertility treatment differently?

Fertility treatment; sometimes I ask my patients powerful questions. Questions that I ask to make them think in different perspective, questions that may help them to understand their own situation and reactions. A powerful question to a patient that either blames herself for not being positive enough or a patient ...
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My mum doesn’t support me, how can I make her understand?

My mum doesn’t support me, how can I make her understand?

During fertility treatment, women often need support from their closest family. Some of the women I have talked to have one sorrow in common; they don’t get support from their mothers! There can be many different reasons why their mothers choose not to support them, the most common reason is ...
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I was not prepared to get a positive pregnancy test

I was not prepared to get a positive pregnancy test

She is sitting in front of me on the screen, as we skype with each other she tells me that she needs my help. She needs my help to understand the miracle that has just happened; a positive pregnancy test! She tells me that she has waited for two weeks ...
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Fertility treatments during the symbolic days around Christmas and New Year`s Eve

Fertility treatments during the symbolic days around Christmas and New Year`s Eve

Fertility treatments during symbolic days Last night I held my therapy group in Norway, five women talked about how it felt to celebrate Christmas and another year without a child. The word “celebrate” did not give them any meaning anymore, the only thing they want to celebrate is a pregnancy ...
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I feel I am living in a vacuum

I feel I am living in a vacuum

When I talk to fertility patients they are all “on their way” towards a pregnancy, and their lives are put on hold. What can be emotionally hard for many patients, is that being “on their way”, for a long time can feel exhausting. They cannot start to process their feelings ...
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I need to choose between fertility treatment and my husband

I need to choose between fertility treatment and my husband

Fertility treatment and my husband. We all need to make difficult decisions in our lives and some decisions are tougher than others. I have talked to some women that are coming to a point in their lives where they need to decide whether to have children or keep their husband ...
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Help people to help you!

Help people to help you!

When you are going through fertility treatment, especially egg donation, or embryo adoption, it will affect your life in a way that may make you feel that you have changed as a person. If you feel that you have changed then the people around you may also feel that you ...
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Another miscarriage...

Another miscarriage…

I can see a woman sitting in front of me on skype, I can see that she is in a great deal of pain and that it is nearly impossible for her to even talk, she is crying out loud and almost even yelling. I can also see that it ...
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Who is the boss in your life?

Who is the boss in your life?

Are you the boss in your own life? Is your unborn child already the boss in your life? Is the IVF treatment the boss in your life? Have you become a passenger in your life? Many of the women I have met in my office suffer from the same problems; ...
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The book of destiny

The book of destiny

I had an interesting session today, it was with a woman that had some interesting thoughts around her childlessness. The woman is longing for a child has been through years of fertility treatment. She has been a patient at different IVF clinics around the world and tried treatment with her ...
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Why me?

Why me?

She sits in my office and cries, she says the words that I am so used to hearing from my patients: “Everyone else is getting pregnant, I am the only one that is not able to get pregnant. Why is this happening to me? What have I done to deserve ...
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Am I too old to become a mother?

Am I too old to become a mother?

I experienced something very different and special this week. I had a phone call from a Danish woman. She asked me if I could help her. I told her that I needed to know a little bit about her, before I answered her question. She told me that she needed ...
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My efforts do not match the result!

My efforts do not match the result!

Every fertility patient that I talk to has given a lot of effort to his, or hers child project. They have spent time, money and focus and have given a lot of thought and emotion to their journey towards their wanted child. This patient group is gifted and strong and ...
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I do not recognize myself...

I do not recognize myself…

This blog text is about a patient of mine that I met in my office a week ago. She was crying, she was so disappointed about another failed IVF attempt. She already has a son that is 9 years old, but now she wants a sibling for him. She feels ...
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Are You trying to change each other?

Are You trying to change each other?

As a counselor, I work a lot with couples. Couples that find themselves in a situation that they really didn't expect to be in. Suddenly they need to make decisions that can disturb their values, their inner peace and the respect for each other. I experience a big difference between ...
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Welcome to your end destination!

Welcome to your end destination!

Many of my patients from the clinic feel relieved, this is because they have finally reached their end destination. They have now chosen an IVF clinic that offers them the fertility treatment they need to finally become pregnant, they are happy and confident that will not need to change fertility ...
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How to transform the fear of not being able to get pregnant into motivation during fertility treatment?

How to transform the fear of not being able to get pregnant into motivation during fertility treatment?

A woman I talked to today told me that she had a great fear, this was the fear of not ever being able to get pregnant, of not being able to have children, of being the one that people would call the ‘childless lady’ and also the fear that all ...
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You don't need answers to all your questions before your baby is born with the help of donor egg!

You don’t need answers to all your questions before your baby is born with the help of donor egg!

I know already many of the questions you will have before going for egg donation and I also know that it is not necessary to have an answer to every one of them right now. This is because you will change, society will change and you don't yet know your ...
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Have trust in your body!

Have trust in your body!

Have you felt disappointment and anger against your own body? Have you felt frustrated because your body has not responded, or acted like you wanted before or during infertility treatment? I will tell you about a previous patient of mine and give you some advice to help you. I remember ...
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Do you feel jealous? That’s normal!

Do you feel jealous? That’s normal!

Jealousy can be an unhappy and angry feeling of wanting to have what someone else has. When you see women around you that are pregnant or are holding their newborn babies in their arms, how do you feel? Many of my patients tell me that it is hard to admit ...
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Hope — your help through infertility treatment

Hope — your help through infertility treatment

When you go through infertility treatment it can sometimes feel hard to keep your hope up and to really believe that you will one day get pregnant and become a mum. The definition of hope is to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen, ...
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A single fertility patient is a strong woman!

A single fertility patient is a strong woman!

A single fertility patient is a strong woman! This week I talked to a beautiful woman at the age of 43. She was crying, she told me about her frustration and her grieving over her own situation. She is single, she told me that for a long time she thought ...
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How to prepare your man for IVF fertility treatment

How to prepare your man for IVF fertility treatment

How to prepare your man for IVF fertility treatment When I talk to couples I find it’s just as important to focus on the man before IVF treatment as the woman. Normally a woman gets lots of attention and focuses during fertility treatment, this is because she is the most ...
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When your inner voice is longing for another child through embryo adoption

When your inner voice is longing for another child through embryo adoption

Another child through embryo adoption Sometimes our inner voice and our mind do not agree with each other, this happens with many of my patients. I talked to a lovely patient yesterday, her inner voice told her that she was not finished with having children and that her family was ...
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Your tears are the symbol of your wish for a child, even if it’s through egg donation!

Your tears are the symbol of your wish for a child, even if it’s through egg donation!

Your tears are the symbol of your wish for a child, even if it’s through egg donation! I have just talked to a woman that was crying, we talked about her grief. She was grieving over not being able to use her own eggs in fertility treatment. She is 44 ...
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A mother’s letter to her child growing in her tummy after egg donation treatment

A mother’s letter to her child growing in her tummy after egg donation treatment

I had a session with a very happy woman last week. She told me that she was 8 months pregnant after egg donation treatment. She has a son that is 3 years old and soon he will have a sister. I have talked to this woman before, I had talked ...
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I am not pregnant yet and I have no one to blame...

I am not pregnant yet and I have no one to blame…

Often I talk to IVF patients that feel their life is unfair. Don't they understand why they are the ones that have to go through IVF treatment? Why do they need to go through more than one IVF attempt? But mostly, why there isn’t an IVF clinic that can tell ...
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Do you find it hard to take a break from fertility treatment? You are not alone!

Do you find it hard to take a break from fertility treatment? You are not alone!

Many of my patients are frustrated because their partners, friends and family want them to have a break from their fertility treatment. We all want people that are close to us to feel happy, we don’t want to see them sad, or unhappy. But what can they expect? When a ...
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Weak Semen Quality — a Weakened Man? How is reduced fertility experienced by men?

Weak Semen Quality — a Weakened Man? How is reduced fertility experienced by men?

How does a man experience the process of medical investigation of his fertility? Will a man’s reduced sperm fertility lead to a lowered self-image, and make him less of a man in the eyes of others? Many men visit a fertility clinic to produce a sperm sample for evaluation of ...
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How does the fertility treatment affect your quality of life? Can I help you, to change focus?

How does the fertility treatment affect your quality of life? Can I help you, to change focus?

How does the fertility treatment affect your quality of life? Many of IVF patients I talk to, have a long history with several IVF attempts behind them. They have tried for several years to make their dream come true; to have a child. Many of these IVF patients’ live like ...
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Guilt and Shame

Guilt and Shame

When the fertility of a couple is being evaluated, the clinical results may cause either or both partners to feel guilt or shame. Perhaps they have pondered the question for a long time: Is there something wrong with me? During therapy sessions, I have seen how common it is for ...
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Dealing with Destructive Thoughts

Dealing with Destructive Thoughts

She enters the room and sits down, clearly nervous. Never having spoken to a therapist before, her tears start rolling before she is able to utter a single word. She has been carrying a great burden all alone. Even though she is not alone, she feels alone — alone with ...
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About this Infertility Blog

A blog by Tone Bråten family counsellor
 

Tone Bråten

I am a writer, a family counselor, speaker and author who specializes in infertility. I want to give you a gift, weekly texts on my IVF blog.

Why reading an infertility blog?

Because I want you to feel less lonely, normalize your feelings and thoughts, and make the IVF / egg donation treatment easier to go through

Stay strong, don’t give up, your dream will come true!

  • I will tell you stories about others in the same situation
  • I will give you advice and tools to make your treatment easier
  • I will help you to keep your hopes up

Children books

Tone is the author of two children books. In a child’s own language, these unique books tell the story of conception through sperm and egg donation.

'Lily from the other side of rainbow' book by Tone Bråten

This is the story of how Lily’s mom and dad traveled far, far away to that special land to find the magical egg that would give them the baby they wanted more than anything in the world.
This book is written in English.

Price 20 EUR including shipping

Buy book online

 

'Lily from the other side of rainbow' book by Tone Bråten This is a book about Ole. He is a result of sperm donation; he loves to hear the story about how he was made. Do you like to hear?
The book is written in Norwegian

Price 200 NOK including shipping

Buy book online

 

Infertility Blog Feedback

I just had my phone session with Tone. Thank you so much for organizing it, she is a beautiful person & it was lovely to talk. Just what I needed this morning. I feel we are surrounded by amazing women from Ava Peter on this Journey..."

Catharina, Norway

Dear Tone,
We are free to inform you, that you will be the aunt of two babies.
It looks like, Clooney and Amal, will get TWINS! We must say “hope”, because it was only 12 weeks when we had a positive pregnancy test, and for now, everything looking good. The double surprise is something that we didn’t expect, but now we could not imagine a different scenario."

Serbia

Dear Tone, thank you very much, on everything you did, because you did a lot for us! We can say, after summarizing all you did, that we wouldn’t make it without you! We wish you all the best, and hope that we will back soon with more happy news! A lot of kisses from Belgrade"

In Tones blog and sessions I am happy to find an important source of support, power, and greater understanding!
I experience that the treatment is colored by heartfelt hopefulness but also great uncertainty.
The texts help me to put words on all emotions and thoughts. To read them gives me more peace and they help me to cherish my hope along the way! From all my heart, thank you Tone!"

Jenny, Sweden

I think the blog is very helpful (and touching). Reading about other women and their experiences, feelings and thoughts is very reassuring (and again: touching :-)). Also, your tips are nice to read and enlightening, and give guidance, like in the Skype meetings.
Of course, the Skype meetings are more personal, but this is I think, a very nice addition to that. Giving you the possibility to find input when you are feeling low or when your hope is gone, when a Skype meeting is not available at that moment. This is always available. So yes, I think this is very useful! Thank you!"

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