I am not pregnant yet and I have no one to blame…

I am not pregnant yet and I have no one to blame…

Often I talk to IVF patients that feel their life is unfair. Don't they understand why they are the ones that have to go through IVF treatment? Why do they need to go through more than one IVF attempt? But mostly, why there isn’t an IVF clinic that can tell them exactly when they will get pregnant?

A normal reaction to the feeling of unfairness is to feel the need to change the situation and to have someone else to blame!

So who do IVF patients normally blame for their situation?

  • the IVF clinic
  • themselves
  • their partner

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As a counselor, with a long experience working with IVF patients, I will state that there is actually no one to blame for your situation! It is up to nature and up to human biology. So I want to help you to change the focus, as blaming someone else will only lead to bitterness!

So why don’t you focus on how you can increase your chances of becoming a parent because that is actually the only thing you can do. To increase your chances you can choose an IVF clinic, when you choose a clinic you need to trust that they will do everything in their power to make you pregnant. So if the clinic does do its best, how can you blame them if the IVF attempt fails?

90 percent of the IVF patients I talk to live healthy lives. The reason for their childlessness is seldom their lifestyle, but something biological within their bodies. This is actually something that they cannot affect or change, so is it right that you blame yourself?

If your partner is the reason why you need to go through IVF treatment then you have already chosen him as a father, or her as a mother to your future child. You are the one that has decided to stay with your partner, so is it fair to blame him or her?

You see? We have no one to blame!

The only thing you can do is to take the right decisions and increase your chances in any way that you can and the rest is up to nature.

However, you cannot waste time, or energy blaming nature either. Maybe life does not seem fair. It’s understandable that you think like that, but don’t use your energy and time to blame yourselves, partner, clinic or nature. I am sure everyone is doing their best to increase your chances of pregnancy!

You can believe, you can hope, you can stay motivated and...
You can trust that one day you will have the baby in your arms!

Tone Bråten

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