I know already many of the questions you will have before going for egg donation and I also know that it is not necessary to have an answer to every one of them right now. This is because you will change, society will change and you don't yet know your future child.
When you consider egg donation you seek information. Information leads to confidence and confidence leads to inner peace. We all seek the feeling of inner peace and we all want to feel that we will make the right decisions. We fear the feeling of regret and the feeling of not doing the best for our future child. In the matter of egg donation, we want to make decisions that are the best for our future child.
This is some of the questions that need to be answered:
- Should I tell, or not tell my child about the egg donor and how she came to be part of the child’s creation?
- Will the child feel a distance from me if I tell her/him about our egg donation process?
- How will it be to be “a donor egg child’?
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These are the questions that are not easy to answer because the answers lie in the future. We have no idea what the future will bring, all we know is what is here and now. Still, we have the need to get answers to this kind of questions before we even get pregnant!
How I see it. It will be difficult to know exactly what the right decision is before donor egg pregnancy starts and this is because:
- The child’s personality will affect your decision of telling, or not telling about him/her being “a donor egg child”. I have met couples that decided to tell the child about their egg donation, but when they got to know their child they felt differently. They felt 100% that the child was theirs and that their child was too sensitive to handle the information about being “a donor egg baby”. I have also experienced the opposite. Parents that decided not to tell the child about egg donation and when they got to know their child they felt that they were keeping a secret from the child and they really felt that the child could handle the information in a good way. Our attitude and ability to tell the child together with the child’s personality will affect the child’s reaction.
- How will it feel to be “a donor egg child”? What we know is that time changes. To do egg donation treatment becomes more and more normal and less taboo. So that means that being “a donor baby” will become more and more normal. So when your child grows up, the way he or she feels about being “a donor egg child” will be affected by the time he, or she lives in, so it is not so easy to know exactly how the child will feel.
You see?
It is not necessary to have answers to all your questions before going for egg donation. You just need to trust that your decision today is the right one, right now. Time will change and you will change, but the only opportunity you have is to make a decision that feels right for you and your future child today. You don't know what the future will bring and you cannot control it.
I know that your decision is made by energy from your maternal instinct. So I know that your decisions are made with love, care and your love for your future child! That should give you inner peace; inner peace to make the right decisions today : ) that is good enough!
Tone
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A book about Lilly
A book about Lilly from the other side of the rainbow will help you tell your child about her/his conception through egg donation.
Lily is five years old — she came from the other side of the rainbow. A Fairytale Land where everything is magical and glowing, and any miracle can happen. Lily is a miracle – and that’s where she came to be. This is the story of how Lily’s mom and dad travelled far, far away to that special land to find the magical egg that would give them the baby they wanted more than anything in the world.
Would you like to hear the story?
Tone Bråten
